


Can We Start Again?

by Elle0555



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 05:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5322980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle0555/pseuds/Elle0555
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert wants Aaron back for good but will he get what he wants?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can We Start Again?

**Author's Note:**

> Again this just happened like most of them do. :) Please feel free to leave a comment and let me know your opinion.

The weeks had passed by in one big blur and Robert was barely managing to survive. Yeah, he had his sister looking out for him and he was finally out of hospital and slowly on the mend, but it meant nothing to him anymore, since he woke from his coma, Robert had felt different not just physically, understandable being shot can take its toll on your body but no that wasn't it. Robert felt drained and fearful emotionally, the turmoil he'd endured was enough to shake him up and make him think before opening his mouth. The anxiety that hit him in waves would often catch him breathless and in a state of panic. He wasn't the same Robert that spoke before he thought or portrayed confidence by the bucket load, he was scared and lonely, someone was out to get him that someone who did Andy's dirty work and that thought unsettled him, it shook him awake at night in a sweat and made him look over his shoulder just walking short distances down the road, Robert was constantly on edge and only one person could settle him and make him stop thinking for a while, the problem was he burnt those bridges before he really had the chance to build them, how could Robert blame Aaron for wanting nothing to do with him? It didn't stop the older man pining for his ex lover though, remembering Aaron’s smile or the feel of his scratchy beard against his skin, the way Aaron bit his lip when he was nervous or turned on. Now It would only ever be memories though, and Robert knew that'd never satisfy his craving for the young man, it wouldn't keep him warm at night and it certainly wouldn't make him happy, truth is he wanted Aaron now more than ever, whether it was the fact he wasn't skulking around in secret anymore Or his recent change in behaviour due to almost dying caused him to realise what's truly important? Robert didn't know, all he did know is a life without Aaron was a dull and pretty empty life.

Making his way down the stairs one at a time Robert clasped his chest as he reached the bottom step. It had been a few weeks since he left the hospital and day by day he was slowly starting to regain his strength, but the constant ache that nagged away in his arm or over exertion of his muscles caused him pain and uncomfortableness, enough so that without painkillers or alcohol he wouldn't be able to do the most basic of things, the damage of being shot was more than he could take and as much as Robert hated it, it caused him to rely on Victoria and Diane, to ask them for help which was foreign ground to him, it wasn't an easy feat, to Robert it was damn right frustrating. 

Pocketing his keys Robert left the house and took his time walking up the road. Winter was rolling in and a bitter breeze bit at his fingertips. The leaves on the trees were changing and the light was fading fast causing darker nights to settle in earlier each evening. Winter has been always one of Robert's favourite times of the year. The crisp fresh air and the frost that sets on the ground each morning took him back to a simpler time. Probably not a happier time, he couldn't remember many of them, but definitely a simpler one where life wasn't half as complicated or challenging as it was for him now. 

Entering the pub Robert propped himself up at the bar in wait to be served, it had become a regular thing for him to drink alone, most of the time he didn't mind it In fact, he welcomed the peace, but occasionally when left to his own devices Robert often found himself thinking and he didn't like that, thinking was dangerous and often resulted in more harm than good and right now was one of those moments. A distraction from himself was what he needed, no one seemed to take pity on him though did he really have no friends in the village? Obviously not considering his previous actions, or his lack of interest in branching out and forming friendships. Not even Aaron gave him a second glance, but then Robert expected nothing less, didn't stop it hurting though.

Chas slammed his pint down on the bar with a huff and after exchanging money she walked away swiftly. Taking a gulp Robert sat back slightly and took in his surroundings, his eyes immediately travelling and then settling on the blue eyed man in the corner of the pub laughing along with Adam. A sense of sadness hit Robert whenever he witnessed Aaron close by. He ruined the only good thing he had in his life over and over again. Pushing Aaron to breaking point and vocalising things that to this day made Robert flinch just thinking about. How could he be so cruel to someone he loved so deeply? How could he do unforgivable things to the man that meant the most to him? 

Locking those thoughts away Robert returned his attention to his pint and before long felt a presence behind him. He didn't need to turn around to know who it was standing so close to him, the unmistakable pull in his chest told Robert exactly who it was. The question was what did Aaron want? Probably just a drink this was a pub after all and he was standing at the bar, but Robert found himself hoping it was to talk to him. He'd take anything from Aaron right now even a snide remark would suffice. 

Ordering from his mum Aaron leant his weight against the bar and Robert silently willed him to look in his direction. To just acknowledge he was there. It was pointless thinking though when Chas served him his drinks, he was gone again and Robert's eyes were following the younger man back to his seat. Downing the remains of his pint Robert stood up and headed for the door suddenly needing air to clear his mind. With one final glance Aaron's way Robert exited the pub and sat down on the bench and took a deep breath looking up as the sun was setting.

He didn't know how long he was sat in the same position just staring into space when a voice he could easily place brought him crashing back down to reality. 

“ What are you doing out here on your own?” Sitting down opposite The older man Aaron eyed him for the first time in weeks.

“Honestly? I don't know.” Shrugging his shoulders sadly Robert replied.

“What's going on with you Robert? I've been watching you for a while now and you're different.”

The older man laughed slightly still a little shocked Aaron was actually talking to him. “Where do I start?” 

Aaron knitted his brows. “You're acting weird, closed off from everything. I know we're not exactly on the best of terms, but I don't like seeing you so withdrawn.”

Standing up Robert moved to walk away only stopping In front of Aaron to reply. “Doesn't matter.” He smiled sadly before lowering his head and distancing himself from the younger man.

“Robert, wait.” Aaron shouted, grabbing hold of Robert's arm to hear a sharp intake of breath in return. 

The older man's face screwed up in pain causing Aaron to release his grip instantly. 

“Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.”

Shaking his head Robert replied. “You didn't Aaron, it's fine, it's just painful sometimes.” 

“Look, Robert.” Stepping closer Aaron looked into the older man's eyes to see emotion he couldn't quite place, staring back at him. “I know somethings up, I know you remember.” 

“Why've you suddenly decided to talk to me now? You've not so much as looked at me in weeks.” 

“I'm sick of you moping around, it's not like you Robert.” Aaron said.

“Well being shot will do that to you Aaron.” Sighing loudly Robert continued. “Just leave it yeah it's not your problem anymore is it?” The older man questioned hoping Aaron wouldn't take it rhetorically.

“Yeah, well you made sure of that, didn't you?” Aaron spat. Getting angry at Robert's words. “You know what forget it, you don't deserve anything from me.” Shaking his head Aaron turned on his heels as Robert shouted.

“You're right, I don't, doesn't stop me wanting it though Aaron. Wanting you.” Whispering the last sentence Robert blinked his eyes shut, knowing full well he'd gone too far, but it was long overdue. 

Coming to a halt Aaron Took a deep breath before turning back around to face Robert who had tears in his eyes.

“I'm sorry.” Robert hung his head in shame. “For everything. I know it's too late, but I just needed you to know.” 

Aaron stood rooted to the spot with wide eyes. “You think I can ever forgive you for putting me through hell and back? Sorry’s not enough Robert, nothing is.” 

“I know.” Choking the words out Robert just about whispered before wiping his face and turning to walk away, unable to take the hurt that was ripping him apart just being near Aaron any longer.

Sighing to himself, Aaron watched as Robert disappeared up the road, the words he spoke hurt him a lot more than he thought they would. He hated Robert for everything he's been put through every last shred of respect and any feelings Ill natured and otherwise Aaron had for Robert disappeared a long time ago or so he led himself to believe, he couldn't forgive the hurt and disrespect Robert payed him but he'd finally started to let it go. Yet here he was staring after the older man with an empty feeling residing in the pit of his stomach, it felt final like they'd said all that needed to be said, that Robert knew however hard he tried they would never again be anything more than ex lovers. So why was Aaron replaying Robert's words in his head? Why did Robert still have a hold on him after everything? As Aaron stared into the now empty distance it took all his willpower to stay where he was stood to not rush after Robert and crumble under his touch. As much as Aaron thought he didn't need Robert the stinging in his eyes and the gut wrenching feeling that he knew all too well told a completely different story.

Kneeling on the damp grass carefully Robert stared at the faint looking engraving on his mother's head stone. He wasn't sure what had led him there, whether it was Aaron’s words or his guilt for the role he played in destroying the younger mans life he wasn't completely sure all Robert did know was he wanted to talk without being judged or interrupted, it wasn't a pity party for one he knew he didn't deserve for anyone to feel sorry for him, he was the cause of his own misery. How he fucked up so bad was beyond him, he'd made mistakes he wasn’t proud of, made bad calls in the heat of the moment, turned into a cruel, vindictive man and did things that would warrant most people the right to shoot him. He made bad decision after bad decision But deep down, he wasn't a bad person somewhere deep down there was some good in him. 

“Not sure what I'm really doing here.” He muttered as he lowered himself to the ground stretching his legs out in front of him not caring about the dampness of grass beneath him.

“I messed up, story of my life right?” Talking like he’ll get some kind Of response Robert glanced at the headstone and smiled glumly.

Why can't I be what he needs? I ruined the best thing to ever happen to me, I just realised it too late.” Sighing to himself Robert continued. “I've lost everything because I was too wrapped up in the life I thought I wanted. When now I know he's all I want. Too little, too late.” 

Scrunching a handful of grass in his fist Robert took a deep breath in the brisk fresh air as tears once again blurred his vision. “It's not about him being a man, I know it's what everyone believes.” Shrugging his shoulders Robert carried on. “Why wouldn't they though? I denied he meant anything to me and that it was a mistake. When the truth is he’s the furthest thing from that, how can you love a mistake?” You can't, Aaron was never a mistake.” 

Pushing himself up slowly Robert wiped the tears from his eyes and stood on his feet before running his fingers across the smooth, cold granite letting his hand linger for a second before muttering his goodbyes, shoving his hands securely in his pockets and walking away in silence.

A knock on the door a few hours later shook Robert from his persistent thoughts. He tried to ignore it, but as the knocking got fiercer Robert knew whoever was on the other side of the door wasn't going away quietly. Traipsing to the front door Robert pulled it open and saw the last person he thought he'd see staring back at him. 

“I hate you.” Aaron spat to a startled Robert.

“If you’ve come here purely to tell me that you're wasting your time, I already know you do.” Robert replied before Aaron shoved past him and into the cottage.

Swinging around on the spot the younger man found Robert's eyes. “Why can't you just leave me alone?” 

Furrowing his brows Robert peered back at Aaron. “I have, I've not been near you for weeks.”

Pointing to his head Aaron sighed loudly. “In here, you're in here Robert. I don't want to feel anything for you, but I can't get you out of my head.” 

“What are you saying, Aaron?” Stepping closer Robert hastily closed the gap.

Aaron shrugged his shoulders in defeat. “I don't know.” 

Robert stopped inches from Aaron's face. Hearing the younger man inhale deeply Roberts gaze flicked between Aaron's lips and his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to kiss him, to snake his hands around Aaron's waist and never let go, but fear of rejection held him back slightly. So he just stood there watching Aaron intently. 

“I know what I want.” Robert whispered.

“And what's that?” Aaron already knew what Robert wanted, but hearing the older man say it out loud might help him in some way. 

“I want to start again.” Robert nodded as he reached out to place a hand on Aaron's cheek gently, silently relieved when Aaron didn't flinch away from the touch.

Deep down Aaron wanted the same thing. He was miserable without Robert, his life had no purpose. But trust was a big issue for him, especially after everything Robert had said or done to him. Could he really go back there and try again? And if so, would it be different this time? As Robert searched Aaron's eyes for a response the younger man knew what the answer to his own question would be. As much as it scared him to open up to Robert again and make himself vulnerable, it also made his heart skip a beat. He loved Robert, Despite everything The younger man always would and in the end to Aaron that's all that truly mattered. 

With his decision made and not another word spoken Aaron closed the final distance and crushed his lips to Robert's with a moan. Resting his arms around the older man's neck as Robert pulled Aaron in by his waist the kiss deepened and they began fighting for dominance like they were making up for lost time. 

In the end Robert didn't have to ask the question, Aaron dragging him up the stairs told him everything he needed to know. Nothing would get in the way this time, they loved each-other more than anything and in the end that's all they both ever really wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading.  
> Find me on Tumblr: Missme033.tumblr.com  
> Come say hi. :)


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